(Maybe) a lot has happened. Or not. 

If living means waking up each day doing what you love, then I can safely say I had been living the life for the past month or so during this semester break. I wake up each day just anticipating to run or head to training; though it gives me really bad butterflies each time not knowing what trng prog coach has planned for us. 

I love my life right now. So much sometimes it still feels like a dream to me. 

This is a life I never thought I would be able to live. And it has exceeded my expectations. 

Everything is falling into place so well it seems so unreal at times, how. Uni life thus far really has been 100/100. So many (almost) wrong turns in the beginning but I suppose I am where God had planned for me to be at. And I guess too, taking a gap year off had shaped my perspectives on things and made me learn how to cherish my (last phase of) student life so much more. 

Joining tracks will definitely be my biggest takeaway. The amazing teammates I have in the team that constantly drives each other to do better, to never give up, I am ever this grateful to have them. It has once changed my opinions how running is just an individual sport. 

I’ve slightly more than 2 months time before SUNIG and tbh, my intention of joining tracks was to sustain my fitness routine of working out and also because of my love for running. Never had I even once imagine or dared to think of joining a competition/race because that is just plain ridiculous. But here I am. I told my mom just the other night over the dining table, “never would I have dared to imagine myself wearing a race bib for a race but that is going to happen in 2 mths time and IT IS CRAZY” my mom, she laughed for a good 5-8 mins upon hearing that. This is just it is. This is how much happiness and contentment running and tracks give to me. The smallest and slightest bit of thing has given me the biggest of joy I had long never felt in me. 

It has also saw a change in my personal growth, of self-love and body acceptance. Days when I start to feel negative and disgusted by my own body image, I am once again reminded of what my body can do than to emphasize so heavily on what I wish it would look like. And I am here to tell you, I am very appreciative and grateful for this body of mine. 

Trainings have been getting tougher and tougher these days but I guess while we whine & complain about the pain, there is so much satisfaction that comes out of it at the end of the day. And tbh really, to train on the same tracks where you occasionally see some national athletes train, it drives you even more to push harder. I do get frustrated at times, I wouldn’t deny. Or I may be starting to feel impatient about seeing improvements because I so desperately eagerly want to do well, better and my best. Slowly but surely; I will continue to remind myself. 

I can’t wait for school to resume soon, though I foresee myself struggle a little trying to juggle between my priorities of studies & tracks, but I know I am going to enjoy every bit of that. Like what my mom had said to me, “you only have this short period of time left to enjoy all of that. so just go ahead and enjoy it all.” 

I am so happy. So so so happy. 

Till then my dearest ones, I rlly hope life has been treating you fine and well too on the other side đź’•

Unknowingly found myself opening up this app at this ungodly hour of the night when I should be sound asleep. 

Hey there, it has been a while dear WordPress. I do not know where to get started but life has really been treating me well. It is finally April, and seriously really, time passes. Especially when you’re productively busy, and always on-the-go. 

I am running on an insane schedule of 4 submissions in the coming week and I really can’t wait to get over and done with all of it. Exhausting, and it has been a crazy period dealing with all sorts of people………didn’t knew I would be signing up for this even in Uni but hey, I’ll just take it as an experience.

My brain is really burnt out and I feel like my body has been running on auto-pilot mode since February but my life has never felt this full before. Nothing much had really changed in my life; the same old people, just a couple of Uni friends I had met, and a very routined student life……but what changed is, I’m a much happier person now. 

If you haven’t know, I’ve signed myself up to be in Track in Uni. I wanted a CCA in Uni to complete my student life; that was my first agenda. And I thought for a long time where I should go. 2 mths later, I am relieved to know this decision is one of the best decisions I had made for myself. 

Being in tracks has been a little of a life-changing experience for me and I am seeing this sport in a whole new light day by day. Running, has become more than just “running” to me, as it now holds a deeper sentimental value close to me. 

I’m reminded everyday how thankful I should be, on how blessed I am. Everything is really falling into place and there is nothing more I can ask for as of now. I’ve seen myself changed, and I’m living my life to its fullest; utilizing each 24 hours doing things I love, things I should do, and being with people that matters so closely to me. 

I still have a lot of uncertainties that I could dwell or worry upon but I had left everything in the hand of God to lead me to. 

There really isn’t much for me to update because nothing much has changed but at the same time, a lot has too. But here is an update from me; I am happy and I hope each & everyone of you are too. 

Till then, stay beautiful & keep shinning, xx 

New beginnings……….they’re definitely not easy. New environment, new people, new start; it is like I am back to zero l again. Who am I. What am I. How am I. Can I start building bridges with the present while concealing the past? 

I am feeling so doubtful but I know one thing for sure; it will all be okay eventually. Ning, hang on, hang on. 

Happiness; just an arm length away

I think I had been stuck in this writer block for the longest time; or I can’t seem to find the right words to articulate what I wish to convey. Nonetheless, this is my attempt to do so. Don’t ask why, I just needed an outlet and here I am.

I resumed back my running routine two days ago after probably 1.5 mths worth of break; from all the traveling, the camps, the festive season. Needless to say, what a reminder that this has always been so therapeutic for myself. Running has always been something to me, I can’t seem to describe what it is, but it has always meant something to me. I think one of the proudest moments of my life would be completing a half marathon earlier in April 2016, with my personal best. Something I did not blog about it, but had left it in the drafts because I felt that I wasn’t ready to put it up so publicly on something I feel so personal about. I occasionally run and feel so overwhelmed by the beauty of God’s creation; e.g. nature, sunset, that I tell myself time and time again, “I am so glad you are alive at this moment to see all of these”. As dramatic as it may sound to most of you, but I came to realise I feel most connected to God when I am being surrounded by nature, while running on my foot – my feet will take me to where my heart is; I had always believed that. Through my months of prepping my body and stamina to the marathon in late 2015, I remember how I came to learn about myself more; not just emotionally, but physically. I came to a point of acceptance that, we are all different; that includes our body shape and size too. And question, why are we constantly trying to be the puppet of society’s standards, pursing what seems to be labelled as “ideal”, or trying to achieve what we always say, “the best version of ourselves”? Why that pressure, when we should embrace what we are, and……. though it is not wrong to pursue the “best version” of ourselves, but I came to see how we end up being so caught up with the idea of it, we start to lose our footing. I too, would say my biggest takeaway from all these realisation is that….”life is not a race, it is a journey”. Through the past 5 years, from the beginning of falling into that dark pit, to the attempts where I tried to step out of it, and unto recovery….. I was so anxious about “getting over it”, about “finally recovering” when that was not what God’s purpose was, to putting me through that trial. Life is a journey, a journey you walk, at your own pace. It is……really not a race about who reaches the fastest to the finishing line. I can’t say I am completely over it, constantly still praying to be healed completely, but I am at this point where I am ready to write a new chapter of my life.

That said, 2017 is a year of new beginnings. I realise how much I had missed while I was so caught up in my own mess over the years, but it brings so much comfort to myself to know that it is definitely not too late. I remember sharing a question to my group during youth camp, “what happens next after a testimony?” and while we take every next step in our spiritual life trying to encounter and experience God, what happens next when we do? This was the question that came into my head through the months of last year; 2016. That was when I come to know, that our walk with God, our spiritual life, is not just all about experiencing and encountering Him, but instead, making Him the centre of it all; in our life, and a continuous effort of building this relationship with Him. I had always been a very anxious person, always being so uptight and over-worrying the unnecessary/future, but I had found so much inner peace over the whole of last year. Unbelievably enough, I live life as it is now and I am grateful for it. I no longer hold onto the idea of worrying so much about what happens next, the future, and the far future because all in God’s hands, no? He has a plan and it will work out eventually, so why not let Him have the control? I come to……..be able to live in every moment, and to appreciate life at its most simplest form and to me, that’s the greatest gift I can receive from life at this point of time; seeing its beauty.

Gosh, my post is in such a mess once again but what’s new when my fingers start to tap away on the keyboard. This is how unorganised my thoughts are in my head, but just let me vomit them out as it is yeah.

Oh yes too, today was my first day of school. And some of my close friends may know, as much as I am very excited to return back to school and bury my head into books instead of being an OL working in the office from 9-5, I had lost touch of this very sheltered familiar, yet unfamiliar setting. I am thankful in all ways, to know I am not embarking this new journey alone; e.g. having friends who has been dropping texts to me since the beginning of this week to tell me “it is all going to be okay”, “have fun in school” – I appreciate all these little gestures so much and also,…..new friends that I had made through orientation (which yes, very shockingly, I went). Honestly did not expect to forge any friendship because I am very cautious about human interaction and who I allow myself to open up to…..but I guess God has already been placing these little angels in my uni life. What was I even worrying about…..when all of that is so unnecessary? I am feeling very relieve, and though I am very afraid of being too comfortable with where I am right now (since it is only just the beginning), I wish to tell myself to just enjoy every bit of it. That’s uni life isn’t it? That said, 3 hours lecture had K.O(ed) me so badly I crashed in bed the moment I returned home earlier. Feels good though, I am excited to see what is to unfold over the next three short semesters of the last phase of my student life. Remember, God is always in control.

Alright, I guess that is about it. I hope all is well for each and everyone of you there, so keep smiling, and stay beautiful!!

Till then, XX

;2016 

I have nothing but to be grateful for everything that happened this year. Thankful I always have a daily reminder to remain contented with what I have on my hands and that I have the simplest things to stay grateful for. To list everything down is a little overwhelming but I am lucky to be blessed with the opportunities that came knocking on my door. Very blessed to have been able to save up for my trips this year and aside from traveling, came the Cambodia mission trip that allowed me to be embraced in God’s love & presence. Oh yes, and the Youth Camp weeks ago. New beginnings is to happen the moment the clock ticks 12 but I’m relived to say, it has been going good and indeed, it is always ONLY overwhelming at the initial stage. I am still on this journey to loving myself but I too, am always thankful I am being overwhelmingly showered with love from people around me – I will get to where I want to be in time to come, at my own pace. 

I want to keep things short and sweet so……have a great New Year’s Eve everyone and have a Happy New Year. Remember, life only gets better, it really does. 

Stay smiling, keep shinning. May God bless each and everyone of you. XX 

An overflowing life of happiness 

I think I know what happiness feels like, finally, right now, at this moment. Last 3 days of the year and as much as I do not wish to jinx this yet, but it has been a fucking awesome year for me. 

December has always been such a beautiful month. The month you slowly wrap things up from the entire year, the month you give, the month you feel so much…….and coincidentally, the month you seem to somehow live to the fullest. I’m so exhausted at this point of time but I can’t say enough, how whole my heart feels. This entire week has been so intense from packing and unpacking almost every other day, jumping from one place to another….I barely actually slept at home, but it was a time I came to realize I really have so much to be thankful for. 

Church camp was amazing. Nuff said. God just work in so many unexpected ways it leaves me so fascinated. I initially thought I was too old for this camp, thought it would be tough to connect with the growing youths, doubted how I could lead the lil’ ones through this camp, and doubted what I can actually gain from this but what was I even worrying about???????? I wouldn’t deny being with the younger ones really drain all the energy left in you but they too bring so much joy to you. And I saw how I grew even more, spiritually in just merely 4 days. While many were in tears during extended worship, I saw myself in endless smiles, mouthing “Thank you God for all the blessings you had blessed upon me. What can I ask for now? What is more? Because I have everything.” 

And unto new beginnings, I’m nervous about it but I know everything will fall in it’s own rightful place. After all, don’t beginning always seem to be overwhelming initially but we somehow get through it? Bring it on, I say (-: 

It just…..It just fascinates me so much how much my life can change in just merely 2/3 years time. It feels like happiness is clouding over every bit of my life right now I honestly can’t recall how much it used to hurt before. I’m so contented you’ve no idea, and tho life still has its shit………..what more can I ask for? Because I really do have more than I can possibly ask. I’m whole again, I really am. 

(To God be the glory) 

Have a lovely night everyone đź’•

I am going to keep this short and sweet.

If 2015 was a year of self-discovery and finally picking myself up from the broken pieces I had left behind over the last few years, then 2016 has been a year of being grateful and giving thanks to everything. 

Closed chapters, and unto new beginnings. 

Advanced Merry Christmas. It really is the most beautiful time of the year.